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Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money : The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years

Description

Finally, a Dr. Spock for College ParentsDoes your daughter call home in tears over the latest "crisis," leaving you feeling helpless and concerned? Is your son confused about his major? When children leave for college many parents feel uncertain about their shifting role. By emphasizing the importance of being a mentor, Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money shows that parents may have lost control over their college student, but they haven't lost influence.Brimming with humorous case examples and realistic dialogues, this comprehensive guide covers the fundamental college issues, including: * Preparing for College: what to bring, how to stay in touch, and how to handle money * Adjusting Socially: roommates, stress, time management, and Greek life * The Search for Identity: intimate relationships, choosing a major, and lifestyle and value decisions * Handling Crises: depression, drug and alcohol abuse, dropping out, and eating disorders * Postgraduate Choices: job hunting, internships, and graduate schoolsAUTHORBIO: Helen Johnson founded and directed Cornell University's first Parents' Program. She has worked for more than twenty-five years in higher education as a writer, career center director, assistant dean of students, and program manager. She is the parent of two recent college graduates and lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.Christine Schelhas-Miller teaches adolescent development in the department of human development at Cornell University and is a consultant to independent, secondary schools on issues related to adolescent development. For over twenty years she has worked in higher education, providing academic, personal, and career counseling to students. She is the parent of two children and lives in Ithaca, New York.

Parenting a college-bound student is a tricky business--combining your emotional and financial support with your child's newfound independence can seem nearly impossible. The authors of Don't Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money are all too familiar with these difficulties and have created a practical guide that addresses specific situations and provides effective guidelines for changing the parent-child relationship. Topics are addressed frankly, and many parents may have trouble reading the sections concerning controversial subjects such as drug and alcohol use, birth control, homosexuality, and changes in religious and political beliefs. The emphasis here is not on changing your kid's mind about any of these things, but rather how parents can approach these sensitive topics while maintaining a positive and honest relationship. Most pages contain small text boxes highlighting what's on your mind and what's on your child's mind, as well as practical lists suggesting what to do and what to avoid, and these can be extremely helpful as a quick reference when faced with a sudden announcement from your student who's decided to change majors, stop living in the dorm, or study abroad.

With a down-to-earth tone and clear insight into the minds of both parents and college students, this is an easy-to-read book that manages to handle difficult topics without preaching or downplaying important events. Ultimately, this book aims to help parents and their nearly adult children make the transition to a new kind of relationship, ideally one that is open and mutually respectful. With careful reading and consideration, the suggestions presented will help create a handy road map to lead you through the twists and turns of parenting your college student. --Jill Lightner

Reviews

Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2010-04-13
Summary: "An excellent book"

I really like this book, first attracted by its interesting title, and review, then by its very informative contents. I'd highly recommend this book to any college parents.

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Rating: 2 / 5
Date: 2009-08-12
Summary: "Does Not Address Important Issues"

This book ignores the elephant in the room - the skyrocketing cost of education. How much should parents pay? How much should kids borrow? Should kids be required to repay some of the money to their parents if it comes out of retirement savings? When should parents tell their college kids that they are not paying any more because the student is not working hard and playing too much? Should a kid at a private school be forced to transfer to a cheaper state school if they are not working up to their potential? Will kids take college more seriously if they have to "stop out" and work at menial jobs for a while?

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Rating: 4 / 5
Date: 2008-07-16
Summary: "Comforting to parents"

The authors do a thorough job of presenting just about any scenario that could possibly take place in college, good or bad. They go into great detail about what parents and students might be thinking in any given situation. I especially liked the "What to do" and "What to avoid" lists for parents. They might help stem some parental overreaction and allow cooler heads to prevail. Obviously, as evidenced by the sheer number of topics discussed, from educational to social choices, there is a lot to think - and worry - about once you've let go of your child and allowed them to start making many of their own decisions.

Drawn-out, fictional dialogue used to portray possible situations while it might help some parents to visualize events, some of us would prefer a descriptive paragraph or two instead. And, while the book is directed at kids entering college, much of the advice applies to grown kids who leave home without college as their goal.

This book offers comfort to parents, especially those whose first child is going off to college and they are having trouble letting go. In any case, it is best to be prepared for both the routine and sometimes unexpected situations as they occur, and this book does a good job of educating parents from the beginning to end. 50 Ways to Leave Your Mother

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Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2008-02-13
Summary: "great info"

At first glance of the title page, this book looks corny. However, inside it is filled with a lot of very useful and practical advice.

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Rating: 3 / 5
Date: 2006-08-07
Summary: "An okay book . . ."

if you really need it. Personally, I thought some of the scenarios were more likely to have occured during the high school years than during college. For instance, the one in which the girl in college becomes jealous of her single mother's time and attention when the mother starts dating. I would expect someone who is considered mature enough to go off to college to be mature enough to handle the fact that mom has a love life. As for the sections devoted to parents who harrass the university faculty/staff on behalf of their kids - surely these folks are aberrations? When she was in HS, I sometimes intervened in situations but over the last three years, my daughter has grown into a mature, poised and intelligent young woman and as such I expect her to handle these things on her own. I would never dream of intervening in an academic situation on her behalf now. It's frankly none of my business.